| Amazed
 Two
horses were walking back to the paddock after a days
training.
One
says to the other 'I can't understand why we are so
slow, we come from good stock, we have the best of food,
great trainers, and yet we come last in every race.'
There was a dog running along side them who overheard
and said 'I know what your problem is. I have seen you
race and it looks to me as if you race off at the start
really fast and use up all your energy and then you
have nothing left.
What
you should do is pace yourselves and when all the other
horses are knackered, put in a spurt and you're sure
to win.
What do you think of that?'. said the dog.
The horses looked at one another and said
'WOW, a talking dog!'
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 Dirty
Dishes
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in Kentucky.
n the
morning his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting
of eggs and bacon.
He noticed
a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned
his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather
replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can
get them so go on and finish your meal."
That
afternoon while eating the hamburgers his grandfather
had made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the
edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried
egg yolks, so he asked again, "Are you sure these plates
are clean?"
Without
looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says,
"I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold
water can get them. Now don't ask me about them any
more."
Later
that afternoon as he was going out to get the paper,
the dog started to growl and would not let him pass.
"Grandfather,
your dog won't let me out."
Without
diverting his attention from the football game his grandfather
was watching he shouted.......
"Coldwater, move!! hehe :)
15
Things to do at Wal-Mart while your wife is taking her
sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms &randomly
put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5 minute
intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official
tone,Code 3
in Housewares...and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell
other shoppers
you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to
cry and ask: Why
can't you people just leave me alone?
9.. Look right into the security camera, use it as
a mirror and pick
your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department,
ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible"
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna
look" using
different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, say "PICK
ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,
assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait
a while and then yell loudly "Hey! You're out of toilet
paper in here!!"
GOOD
FRIENDS
Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married
to their husbands for a long time; Amy is upset because
she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy
cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says
I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
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