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Peek
A Boo!
The famous female skier Picabo Street (pronounced
Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete, she is a nurse.
She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan
hospital.
However, she is not
permitted to answer the telephone, because it simply caused
too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say........."
Picabo, ICU."
The
Airport:
I was scheduled to
fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed
in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket
agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone
given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.
I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take
to her son.
He looked at me very
carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
Visit
the
Comedy Zone
Great Humor site offering lots of Jokes & Humor eBooks
Church Signs
1) Free Trip to heaven.
Details Inside!
2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone
tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline
that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.
5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign
that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its
own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!
7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long
and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this
world.
10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
Perspective
Offerings
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church
where a gala charity
event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the
pig
suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution.
For me, it's a total commitment."
Andy
Rooney's TIPS FOR TELEMARKETERS
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: "Hold on, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off
(instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing
call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would
grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep"
tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset,
which has efficiently completed its task. These three little
words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on
the other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone
calls and records the time of day when a person answers the
phone.
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for
a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one
there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the
phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the
machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of
their system. Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased
dramatically.
THIS IS THE BEST ONE
(3) Another Good Idea: When you get "ads" enclosed with your
phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment.
Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything
from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do
not throw away the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?
It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and
when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was
around
50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the
weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other
junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return
envelopes. One of Andy Rooney's
(60 minutes) ideas. Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner
to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you
didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their
blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't
on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just
to keep them guessing!
Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting
their own junk back in the mail.
Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail,
and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying
that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's
why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea
!
If enough people follow these tips, it will work!
Thank you Andy Rooney!
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